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2013 – in a nutshell.

2013 – in a nutshell.


plenty of travels (way too many, tbh but loving every bit of it) and made plenty of friends while trying amazing food along the way.

there is no way i would wanna trade what i’ve been through in the past for anything else, be it good or bad. we all learn from experiences after all, don’t we?

i’ve met a couple of nice boys. one that i still truly fancy but sometimes, despite having so much connection, maybe, maybe some things are just not of the right timing.

here’s to wishing an amazing year ahead. *cheers to 2014* <3

i’m like a movie character, so he says.

i’m like a movie character, so he says.

“you’re too much sometimes, bb. i’m just picturing you in a post office”
“but why?”
“cause you’re almost more a movie character to me sometimes lol.”
“i swear you have eaten out more since we’ve been talking that i have my whole life”
“taken more vacays than i ever have lol”
“and generally make me feel like i’ve wasted my life…”
“because i choose to live life to the fullest (or trying to)?”
“i guess lol but it just shows me how much i’ve missed out on. it’s inevitable. well that is true, i’m afraid”

ah, if only people knew the real reasons why i’m splurging so much. regardless of how much i try to pamper myself, feed myself and travel, when i am back in a place i dislike, the pain all starts to come back again.

celebrating my parent’s 34th anniversary

celebrating my parent’s 34th anniversary


it’s unbelievable how much food i’ve been stuffing myself with over the past few weeks. celebrated my parent’s 34th wedding anniversay twice – once with gigantic home made pandan layer cake made with love from wendy (also possibly the best pandan layer cake i’ve ever had) and the other was a fine spanish lunch at el cerdo. it feels good to be spending good quality time with your family at times, especially when life can be so fragile (today, we all lost Paul Walker to a tragic accident and it served us as a good reminder to spend and cherish the good times you can with your loved ones).

you know, it sucks to be so far away from someone you really just wanna hold close and spend the cold lonely nights. it also sucks to know that there’s so much we wanna do together but the distance is not allowing us. guess all that will have to wait. miss you, b. <3 turns 10! turns 10!

ahhh!!!! it has been ten years since i first own this domain name.

happy 10th birthday,!

i can’t believe how time flies so quickly and how much i’ve shared in this blog. although i’m not spending as much time here i would like to anymore, will always hold a special place in my heart.


almost thirty*

almost thirty*

my last post was my 500th post in ah, what a journey it has been. (or, as i’ve fondly called it) has been around since 2003, and is turning 10 years old this coming november. i’ve been blogging since, 2001 (at various sites before i bought my own domain name) and i know i’ve been somewhat neglecting this site. i blame it on facebook! i guess because of the instant replies and responses you get from your friends, it feels like whatever you say gets appreciated better but don’t get me wrong., has been with me for ten crazy roller coaster years. most of the stuffs written here are personally related to me, or entries to remind myself of the little things that happened, weird encounters, love hate relationships, broken friendships, heartaches, life’s drama or even just random blahs that i feel like spilling out. damn, this blog has been with me throughout my transition from a rebellious teenager to well, the lady that i am today.

to be honest, this blog is nothing but a digital boring “diary” of an ordinary confused chick, or a notepad where people jot short notes to act as reminders. and most of the stuff i write are VERY personal, so when it comes to people who don’t know me or those who chance upon this blog via google search, they obviously wouldn’t be staying here to read for more than a paragraph or two.

okay, so after twelve years of writing in cyberspace, who am i? by reading all 500 entries in this page, will this blog define the person that i am, or conclude what are my likes or dislikes? maybe, but not fully because until today, even after me being me for 29 years, i don’t even know the answer to that question. sometimes, it saddens me, because i’m almost turning thirty and i’m still discovering myself? pffft (although i’m pretty sure i’m not alone).

i used to love my job, but now i feel like i’m drowning in it because i no longer feel a single drop of passion for it. i don’t think it’s a secret anymore because you can obviously tell from my body language that i have no interest in the work i’m doing. feels worst than a chore, really. either that, or i just have an environment that i really dont fancy, at all. actually, yes, i’ve decided, it’s the freaking environment and the people that i have to deal on a daily basis that DRIED my passion up. PFFT. you bastards!

so, what do i love? traveling? yes, definitely. food, absolutely! but if only passion pays. i guess i should try looking for a job that allows me to do the things i love, even if it means sacrificing my current lifestyle because i would most likely have to start from scratch and there might not be sufficient income. well, we shall see. nothing is impossible, eh?

oh, and have i mentioned about getting braces yet? i guess not. well, i got mine fixed earlier this week, on the 21st (see, jotting dates for future references here, lol). most people ask me why do i get it only when i’m almost thirty. well, why not? im not afraid to look extra ugly (and hell yeah these braces are not very aesthetically appealing) because i’ve never really been the kind of girl that resembles a beauty queen anyway.

also, at almost thirty, i finally found someone that makes my heart skip a beat every time i hear his name being mentioned. the person who is the reason behind my smiles, the one who can turn my frowns upside down but also the reason why there’s a frown on my face in the first place. being so far away from each other means having to go through plenty of rough patches along this journey, but we’re working this out. growing up and living in completely different environment, and at opposite ends of the clock means we have plenty of differences but i have faith that it is because of these differences that attracted us to one another in the first place. we’ll pull through and it’ll be worth it, b. kiss!

well, see, im doing it again. writing bits and pieces of “important” things in my life so i can use them as references in the future. what a boring person, i am, indeed. *yawns* till next time, tata! <3

14,000km away.

14,000km away.

it’s been hell of a roller coaster for the past couple of months. work has been draining me, almost sucking every ounce of me to the point that i think i have no more passion left over.

and then i met someone. someone whom i have known virtually for the past six years, but never really spoken to. he has always been there, on my facebook, but just didn’t cross my mind that many years down the road, he would be someone so special to me.

14,000 kilometres away. that’s how far apart we are. and i think it’s mentally and emotionally exhausting for us to want to be in each other’s arms so badly but be separated by such a massive distance.

i was gonna type more but then i realise, things are not going to change until one of us decides to move. so i’ll leave it at that but he drives me crazy. so madly in lust with you, bb. <3

my fave two things to do.

my fave two things to do.

the two things in life that comforts me most are traveling or cooking/baking.

whenever im frustrated, these two things never fail to make things better.

ive not written here for quite a bit. that’s because for the past five weeks, i have either been busy with a pitch, work, or traveling.

in just two weeks plus, i have traveled about 43377km just by flights and not inclusive of land travel (which would add another few thousands of km). was it quite an experience? hell yea was it an amazing experience and an incredible adventure. wouldn’t want to trade these amazing opportunities for anything else.

photos will be up later. since i can’t share photos from the shoot, but i guess i can share some photos of my surroundings or places i’ve visited.

anyway, heaps of work to do. but all i wanna do right now, to be honest, is to stay in bed and plan my next holiday or cook up a storm. i miss my kitchen. can’t wait till the weekends arrive! 🙂



the weather has been terribly dreary off late.

the missing sunshine somehow affects how i feel about certain things, it seems.

but im in no mood to write anything about how i feel. maybe a song would help?

we all do stupid mistakes all the time, but we must not regret them because it is a hard way to learn to make things right. if it wasn’t hard, we will never understand why we must not let it repeat itself.

hence, why i have decided what i have decided.

to be unattached, until i could figure myself out, or what i want. i need to stop being selfish, and just like what the song above wrote, “urging ourselves to love when we shouldn’t, and it is because of our fear of being lonely that we manage to convince ourselves to love wrongly”. or something along those lines.

i need to search for myself, or as i like to say it in a language i struggle to learn, “找自己” (zhao zi ji).

till then, i shall remain my status quo as it is.

uncertainty is certain*

uncertainty is certain*

“Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will.”

true. except so many things are so uncertain now. so many words to say, so many heartaches to mend but im tough. i’ll hang on, and i’ll hang on tight.

(/edited @ 2:38am; 13th March 2013)


you deleted every single post about me. what the hell was that suppose to mean?

are you deleting my very existance?

YES, i was the reason we didn’t work out and i may have been selfish previously. i just wanted to correct what was wrong.

*inhales deeply*

let’s be matured about this. it isn’t easy for me as well. thank you. that’s all i’ll ever say.


meanwhile, a song that currently seems to be the soundtrack of my current situation.