Category Archives: Love

deja vu.

deja vu.

almost five years ago, i was in the same predicament.

you know you really like the companionship of that someone and he makes you so so comfortable, but deep down inside, you also know he’s not the one.

he’s not the one you see yourself with five years down the road, and not the one you see yourself living the rest of your life with.

he may be everything you think you need now but you just know, he’s not enough.

how would i know?

well, i just do. i was in such a miserable state;  the same exact position almost five years ago, with a different person. it was one of the hardest decisions i had to make back then but i just had to let him go. today, i look at where i am and where he’s at, and i know i’ve made the right decision.

i have no clue why do i always put myself in such situations. such awkward complicated position that i often mask it as a ‘platonic relationship’. oh, such deja vu.

they both even share the same initials, both have such similarities in appearances and characteristics but most importantly, both so caring. i’ve never felt so comfortable with any other guys but these two guys i share these ‘platonic relationship’ with.

i’m sorry, but i have to withdraw myself again, because i know, we’re not who we want in the future. you will thank me someday, and i know i will thank myself too, in the near future. cést la vie.

celebrating my parent’s 34th anniversary

celebrating my parent’s 34th anniversary


it’s unbelievable how much food i’ve been stuffing myself with over the past few weeks. celebrated my parent’s 34th wedding anniversay twice – once with gigantic home made pandan layer cake made with love from wendy (also possibly the best pandan layer cake i’ve ever had) and the other was a fine spanish lunch at el cerdo. it feels good to be spending good quality time with your family at times, especially when life can be so fragile (today, we all lost Paul Walker to a tragic accident and it served us as a good reminder to spend and cherish the good times you can with your loved ones).

you know, it sucks to be so far away from someone you really just wanna hold close and spend the cold lonely nights. it also sucks to know that there’s so much we wanna do together but the distance is not allowing us. guess all that will have to wait. miss you, b. <3 turns 10! turns 10!

ahhh!!!! it has been ten years since i first own this domain name.

happy 10th birthday,!

i can’t believe how time flies so quickly and how much i’ve shared in this blog. although i’m not spending as much time here i would like to anymore, will always hold a special place in my heart.


Dear Him, From Her.

Dear Him, From Her.

Your hands trembles
And your stomach gets butterflies
Just by receiving his messages.

Your lips smiles
And your heart melts
Just by hearing his voice.

You lie awake
Your mind wanders
Just because you miss him.


Dear Him,

Yes, we have our issues.
Yes, we have our fears.
Yes, we have our doubts.
Yes, we have our insecurities.
Yes, we have our differences.
Yes, we have had our hearts broken.
Yes, we have had our trusts betrayed.
Don’t forget the laughters we’ve shared.
Dont forget the smiles we’ve infected us both.
Don’t forget the comfort we found in each other,
Most importantly,
Don’t forget how special we made each other feel.

I hope we sort this out soon because I miss you, terribly much.

Lots of <3, Her

almost thirty*

almost thirty*

my last post was my 500th post in ah, what a journey it has been. (or, as i’ve fondly called it) has been around since 2003, and is turning 10 years old this coming november. i’ve been blogging since, 2001 (at various sites before i bought my own domain name) and i know i’ve been somewhat neglecting this site. i blame it on facebook! i guess because of the instant replies and responses you get from your friends, it feels like whatever you say gets appreciated better but don’t get me wrong., has been with me for ten crazy roller coaster years. most of the stuffs written here are personally related to me, or entries to remind myself of the little things that happened, weird encounters, love hate relationships, broken friendships, heartaches, life’s drama or even just random blahs that i feel like spilling out. damn, this blog has been with me throughout my transition from a rebellious teenager to well, the lady that i am today.

to be honest, this blog is nothing but a digital boring “diary” of an ordinary confused chick, or a notepad where people jot short notes to act as reminders. and most of the stuff i write are VERY personal, so when it comes to people who don’t know me or those who chance upon this blog via google search, they obviously wouldn’t be staying here to read for more than a paragraph or two.

okay, so after twelve years of writing in cyberspace, who am i? by reading all 500 entries in this page, will this blog define the person that i am, or conclude what are my likes or dislikes? maybe, but not fully because until today, even after me being me for 29 years, i don’t even know the answer to that question. sometimes, it saddens me, because i’m almost turning thirty and i’m still discovering myself? pffft (although i’m pretty sure i’m not alone).

i used to love my job, but now i feel like i’m drowning in it because i no longer feel a single drop of passion for it. i don’t think it’s a secret anymore because you can obviously tell from my body language that i have no interest in the work i’m doing. feels worst than a chore, really. either that, or i just have an environment that i really dont fancy, at all. actually, yes, i’ve decided, it’s the freaking environment and the people that i have to deal on a daily basis that DRIED my passion up. PFFT. you bastards!

so, what do i love? traveling? yes, definitely. food, absolutely! but if only passion pays. i guess i should try looking for a job that allows me to do the things i love, even if it means sacrificing my current lifestyle because i would most likely have to start from scratch and there might not be sufficient income. well, we shall see. nothing is impossible, eh?

oh, and have i mentioned about getting braces yet? i guess not. well, i got mine fixed earlier this week, on the 21st (see, jotting dates for future references here, lol). most people ask me why do i get it only when i’m almost thirty. well, why not? im not afraid to look extra ugly (and hell yeah these braces are not very aesthetically appealing) because i’ve never really been the kind of girl that resembles a beauty queen anyway.

also, at almost thirty, i finally found someone that makes my heart skip a beat every time i hear his name being mentioned. the person who is the reason behind my smiles, the one who can turn my frowns upside down but also the reason why there’s a frown on my face in the first place. being so far away from each other means having to go through plenty of rough patches along this journey, but we’re working this out. growing up and living in completely different environment, and at opposite ends of the clock means we have plenty of differences but i have faith that it is because of these differences that attracted us to one another in the first place. we’ll pull through and it’ll be worth it, b. kiss!

well, see, im doing it again. writing bits and pieces of “important” things in my life so i can use them as references in the future. what a boring person, i am, indeed. *yawns* till next time, tata! <3