Euphoric Moments

you can never grow young again, just older.

i have been having a whole concoction of events happening to me. some emotionally driven, some well, physically. not like that made any sense. and i actually experienced something paranormal a couple of nights ago but i'd rather keep about that to myself.

on my weekdays & saturdays (mind you), i'm most likely at work until late at night. and i spend my weekends drinking till my mascara smears, and my feet aches. i suppose the massive drinking (which actually start from thursdays and all the way to saturdays) is like a payback time. a time for me to unwind but i just realise, i never have time for myself. i have no 'ME time'. and i miss having my 'ME times'. it really gets me questioning on my priorities. and what i want in life. this doesn't exactly sound like the life i'd like to live for a long time to come. but i need the moolahs. no work, no moolahs. no moolahs, no shopping. my motto is now to cut down on my food (which i spend almost half my paycheque on) and concentrate on my shopping. i need to indulge in life's luxuries. i need to pamper myself for working so hard. it may not look like i'm doing my best to others (i dunno, im assuming?) but i am. but after a while, it all comes down to this dreaded question; is it worth it?

am i in the right job? the right field? doing the right thing? beats me. i know im having a blast right now, albeit it would be more fun without the dramas that surrounds me. yes, i sleep very little. and i don't have time for me. and my boyfriend. my concubines and my bitches (AH HA!). my friends. my pets. family. and MYSELF! but i guess you work for it now, and enjoy every bit of it much later in life. i guess when you step into the working world, these are the sacrifices you make. you give up your time (and some say soul) to search for the dollars to meet your materialistic & essential needs. it sucks. i wish i was back in school. i hate growing up, because i grew up a little too fast. too early. i'm only in my (almost) mid twenties and i'm already tired of adulthood. i've got a long way more to go and it just irks me knowing i'm already tired right at the beginning.

i've never quit in most of the things i do. i fight for it, as long as i believe and know it's the right thing to do. but right now, i just want time to catch up with myself. and whatever i've been missing while i was busy 'growing up'. and hell yeah, i've pretty much found a new 'life' now and i kinda like it. but the people who knew me from back then might find this bizarre at the sudden change in me. well, baby, that's because i'm gonna stop TRYING to be an adult because i've done that prematurely. now just let me enjoy my youth, and whatever that's left of it because you can never grow young ever again, just older. *cheers to life & our youth*

p/s: i'm really going to miss my parents and their naggings and constant care for a whole one week starting from now. they'll be leaving for singapore -> istanbul -> bosnia -> ? -> singapore -> kl. have a safe trip and do miss us too (including the new six baby gerbils born exactly a week ago).