September 08, 2005
a burden too heavy
sighs, another day wasted. im still procrastinating. the past two months have been really taxing. mainly because of my studies, of course. i feel so clueless. the only assignments that i know how to do are those that are advertising related. yes, i kinda expected that i'll be lost doing my degree since i had no choice but to choose a major im not interested in. film and television. it sounds damn glamour, i know, but it's not. it's frigging tedious and with the lack of interest, im just drowning myself even deeper. i cant believe i feel like quitting already. ive never been a quitter. this sucks.
yesterday i was in college till late. class finished later than expected and i was suppose to meet up with sandy and max. i spent some quality time with sandy in my car while trying to put on make up and eyeing on this guy with nose "so sharp, we could cut fish with it" in the next car. she left about 30 mins later to sit for her mid-terms while i sat alone in my car, in the middle of mmu's carpark, pondering about what has gone wrong. everything feels not right. i feel so weak, so helpless. and then it started pouring (rain la, not me). had flashbacks of sandy singing "what you're made of" to me. everything was in the right setting for me to just bang my head on the steering wheel and cry. but i couldnt, because i wasnt all that weak yet.
picked max up for her dinner and spoke to yujyuj for quite long. 30 mins, he was telling me how i am doing things so wrong. i couldnt even defend myself. max cant do anything but just feel sorry for me. gathered all the strength i had and attended yen ling's party. the only person i knew there was the host and her significant other. and then i spotted a familiar face. kevin, an ex schoolmate, but he was too shy to hold a conversation. left around 9pm-ish to attend my mom's party cum prayer session before sandy called me to go for super chun nasi lemak near kolam air panas, ampang (?). wasnt in the mood to travel so far so i went home, only to see my whole house transformed into something so unfamiliar and invaded by so many. wow, even my home seem so foreign. felt so not welcomed in my very own home. lingered around the kitchen of my house as the dining and hall was crowded and then decided to call yeeng on my mobile. spent an hour plus to her explaining everything before both our batteries went flat at the same time. lol. stoney then came back from his "day care" and was pissed at my whole family cause he thought we gave him away. didnt wanna layan any of us and when we approached him, he'll try to bite us and growl. ish.
i dunno man. ive tried so hard, trying to understand everything but i still dont. i know the problem's with me. ive tried reading my notes yesterday but they sounded german. ive tried doing my research online but it's not very helpful either. this sucks. couldnt really sleep for the past two weeks too. my whole back's aching. sandy came over to hang out just now and spoke about things. *sighs*
anyway, just to inform those who had added me in friendster. sorry guys, my list's full. dont plan to open another account so be patient. just hung up on dionthehorny. his visa got approved and he'll be leaving tomorrow evening. bye dion, please im begging you, come online more often okay. 
i have nothing else to say. actually, i have too much to say, but i just dont feel like sharing my stuffs with the world. take cares all. i know, this is probably the emo-iest entry you've heard from me here. cant help it. even the strong has got to admit when she's failing. che wah, damn perasan. ta.
sighs *hugs* ehhh i had things to say too okay, i just "Didnt feel sorry" for you only k :P
anyway, *hugs* all of us going thru fucking shitty moments. hope everything turns out ok for you.
dion's going.. *sniff* sighs.
Posted by: Maxine at September 8, 2005 11:39 PMhehehee thanks max. *huggies* ;D
yeaps. seems im not alone.
and i warned dion he better get his ass online once he is in hawaii. lol. ;D
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 8, 2005 11:43 PMyeah i told him that i'll whack him more when he gets back if he doesnt keep in touch. so yeah. =)
Posted by: Maxine at September 8, 2005 11:50 PMit's such a sad fact. ppl come and go in our lives. =(
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 8, 2005 11:53 PMHey I'm still here. You should cherish me. Send me gifts, money, food, etc. :D
Ok I shouldn't try to be witty here. Let's all be emo. *shows sad face*
Posted by: Ivan Emoboy at September 9, 2005 12:08 AMhahahahahaa. ivan WILL always be ivan man.
*pulls ivan's face*
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 12:12 AMhahahahaha i actually cried even more reading Ivan's comment!
Posted by: Maxine at September 9, 2005 12:27 AMwhy are u crying to begin with?! :O
and over ivan's comment? :O
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 12:29 AMdunno lah. talking to you just now and talking to chris, made me a bit the emo. listening to sad songs made it worst. keke
yeah ivan saying "hey im still here" although I know he didnt mean it to me... but yeaaa..
Posted by: Maxine at September 9, 2005 12:30 AMsighs, i didnt mean to make u cry. ;( i was just trying to help u la babes. ;(
sorry if i made u emo.
semalam i lagi damn emo. nasib baik tak nangis. lagu sedih, keseorangan di bawah hujan. *tsk*
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 12:37 AMeh i kena hujan right, i got fever last night. kekeke.
Posted by: Maxine at September 9, 2005 12:42 AMoh kesian man.. so fast? nasib baik i lebih kuat :)
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 01:05 AMAwww, dun worry gurls.. errrrrythin will be just fine..
I'm just curious... both of y'all werent online at the same time yeah? Like chatroom in here... haha
Posted by: Terence at September 9, 2005 06:31 AMalar.. can la can la.. ;P i let u visit the dog anytime u want hahaha.. shud intro ur dog to mine LOL..
Posted by: jean` at September 9, 2005 07:38 AMhahahahahahahahahahahahaha biasala terence, girls sure banyak cakap wan ;D
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 09:07 AMhahaahaha jean, damn jahat la u. always wanna pisahkan us both! :P
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 09:11 AMno, the strong nv admit failure :P i know i nv did! huahuahua :D
Posted by: honfaai at September 9, 2005 10:48 AMur time will come, young one! :P
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 12:32 PMterence, *hugs*
Posted by: Maxine at September 9, 2005 02:05 PMme leh? takde hugs?
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 02:26 PMwat bout me??dun la ignore this cute lil teddy bear from all ur huggies wei...
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 9, 2005 03:48 PMlol. watches max hugging vicky by the fence ;)
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 03:53 PMhahahaha geez
*hugs* becky
*hugs* vicky
VICKY!! did u know we were in some classes together??? i think ... if im not wrong laa..
Posted by: Maxine at September 9, 2005 04:05 PMhaha i told vicky but he said tak sama class pun?
wah max hugged. *hugs* ;D
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 04:08 PMbecky....u r the meanest person ive ever known....im sure max would not hug me tru the fence...blek....
*dun wanna hug becky anymore* hmmpphh!!
max> awww so sweet...see becks....she hugged me....walau...sure meh??i dun think we were classmates la...if i was i would have known la...cos i look around for cute chicks one....ahahha...although i knw seldom find them in IT....ahha...jk..
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 9, 2005 04:08 PMbecks> hmmm...i wonder....was i in the same class as max? max...how come u didnt tegur me one???so bad...
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 9, 2005 04:10 PMvicky asyik hunt for chun chicks je. then all those not so chun wan like me no wonder la takde orang pandang pun ;D
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 04:10 PMvicky, manala i tau. i dunno u budak budak mmu. kelmarin sesat in mmu twice. sandy came to the rescue. lol. :D
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 04:11 PMeleh....since when i tak nak u one??alwiz ask u go for a date also say bz bz...haih...i never say i tak pandang kat lu...but u so mahal la....i cant afford...u get my meaning la...(becks is hard to get)
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 9, 2005 04:12 PMmmu so kecik also can sesat meh??
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 9, 2005 04:13 PMhehe tak nak la. orang yg ada gf all, i tak suka kacau ;D
yea. aku budak sesat. mmu also can hilang. ;D
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 04:17 PMeh kan aku dah kate aku takde gf dah...tak nak percaya ke??so kacau me ok???
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 9, 2005 04:19 PMhehe dun wan, ive got someone else. ;P
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 04:23 PMvicky!! dude .. i'm MAXINE, michael's friend! I was in one of your classes lah. I rem seeing you.. can't rem what subject.
yeah cause im not chun what, thats why u tak recognize me!
Posted by: Maxine at September 9, 2005 04:25 PMbecky, someone else? or 893259275928735 other guys?
Posted by: Maxine at September 9, 2005 04:26 PMmichael code? O.o
hahahaha max, dont la sengaja. well, good question. :P ssshh..
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 04:29 PMnolah not michael code.
diff michael. michael frm pg.
Posted by: Maxine at September 9, 2005 04:31 PMbecky> im really heart broken this time....im not in favour....sob sob...
max>i knw who u r la...as if i dono....n maybe cos i never come to classes or maybe cos i shoo off after signing attendance...hehhee...dats why i didnt c u i guess...muahhha..i didnt said u not chun....anyway becky is mine...blek...how i wish la..hehhee...
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 9, 2005 04:32 PMlol. sejak bila?!!!!
dun la. later HE reads this, HE salah pahams. ;)
im single but not available. and wont be, cos im not looking.
;)
max pun. :P
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 04:34 PMyeah maikai form penang...the weed guy..ahaha.
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 9, 2005 04:34 PMahaha..becks i know....cos u n max are les ma...rite??hehee..blek...jk..
anyway same here la...fed up of girls la....im single but not available...muahahhaa...better to stay single...n spend money on my own self la...
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 9, 2005 04:36 PMshow pix? :P
anyways, i seriously need to take a nap now or else, i'll konk for good and u'll see my pix in the obituary pages.
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 04:37 PMhehe go after steph ler. she seems to love u a lot ;)
anyways, we'll continue next time. nites! :)
p/s: sejak bila this one jadi instant msging? lol.
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 04:38 PMmike frm pg is chinese, becky.
and max pun what?? i'm single,available,desperate and fucking looking. hahahahaha.
Posted by: Maxine at September 9, 2005 04:39 PMok maybe cut out the desperate lah. :P
im off out of cyber!! see ya!!
Posted by: Maxine at September 9, 2005 04:40 PMbecky> okok nites....well its instant msging ever since me,u n max are online at the same time ma..ahaha...huh??which stef u toking about??u mean stephanie??rave punya??she was la...but kinda cannot tahan n gave up liao...
max>walau....single,available,desperate n fucking looking??really??okok...number pls... :P
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 9, 2005 04:41 PMbecksbabe ! why so depressed ? cnnt liddat kae . where,s the cheerful becks i know ? mmm . . try to relax alrights ? c,est la vie . [=
just rmb i,m here . although i can,t be by your side to give you a hug and comfort you , hear your complaints . but i,l be there for you spiritually kae ? and online ! yeah man ! what,s the internet for ? [= anything can share . mwah- take care babe .
and to all your very emo friends : i,m selling tissues three packet for a dollar [= hahah . smile people , tomorrow,s a brand new day !
kae i,m crapping . x=
Posted by: evan at September 9, 2005 05:43 PMWahliao.... you got so many fans ...
Posted by: Slinky at September 9, 2005 06:33 PMQUALITY TIME with sandy inside the car? ada buat "apa-apa" ke? Hmmmmm...
Posted by: Bernard at September 9, 2005 07:19 PMvicky, aiyah, cant be too picky. when uve found the one, stick to it. ;D IF u think she's the one la.
max, wah lau, dun need to promosikan urself like that rite? -.-
intro mike pls :D
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 07:59 PMevan, hahAHAHahAHAHahahaha. omfg. opportunist! why are u selling tissues on my comment box? LOL. man, uve got some wicked sense of humour man. lol. i love u babes. keep staying pretty. i love looking at pretty ones ;D
sherry, love you too. the oois reunited. ;) someday la. end of this year, i hope. ;D *hargs*
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 08:01 PMslinky, u do realise some of them are tryin to promote some sort of business/themselves here rite? :P
berd, we touch here and there. sandy poked breast to see if it's still firm. what else u nak tau? :P
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 9, 2005 08:03 PMhahah . i,m just being nice kae . that,s why sell tissue . [= you don,t be too upset lahr kae . got ME . y o u stay pretty alrights ! be my eye candy . [=
Posted by: evan at September 10, 2005 12:28 AMhahahahahahaaha someone just commented in msn that i deceive ppl with my pics cos i look good in pix but in real life im ugly.
how's that? :O
*buys three packs of tissues from you*
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 10, 2005 12:35 AMWAHLAU WHO,S THAT FCKER . that,s so evil . don,t be sad pretty . that fcker has no eyes and doesn,t know how to appreciate beautiful people . you,ll always be the pretty becky i know kae ?
more tissue for you ? HAHAHAH
Posted by: evan at September 10, 2005 01:34 AMhahahahahahahahaha... aiyah, im cool about it. everyone's entitled to their own opinions.
just got back from some drama going on in a nearby lrt station. got three loud explosions and now the place's surrounded by police, ambulance and firetrucks. drove there but police didnt let us in. haha ;D
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 10, 2005 02:03 AMmuahahha. :P
sherry, u tak love me keh? *sedih pilu*
Posted by: Maxine at September 10, 2005 10:55 AMawww... max jeles. takpe, i love max :D
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 10, 2005 01:25 PMdah bacer all the comments.. dunno wat to comment..
*continues singing* if it not wat ur made of..
Posted by: SaNdY^dEa at September 10, 2005 01:40 PMeh...wat happen at the lrt station??which one??Sri petaling ke???shit no more lrt for me...lucky i got car....
eh becks who is that bastard who commented on u lidat???ask him to buzz off la....haih...stupid idiot....
evan> come we go find that guy n whack him ok??
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 10, 2005 03:37 PMsandy u bored ke??bila lu nak ajak aku keluar belanja makan??haih...
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 10, 2005 03:38 PMbila2 lar..
we'll eat at streetmall
ahha
streetmall sucks la....ahahhaa...go ajimal...muahhaa...
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 10, 2005 05:36 PMsandy, "what ur made of" is it. haha. i dah letak on repeat mode and sing non stop for 2 hours. ;D sakit tekak dah ni. ;D masih ada pitching problems ni. LOL! :D
vicky, hehe got ler. this guy la yg i jumpa during pd rave. quite mean but then, biar la. :P and no, not sri petaling. it's bkt jalil. newspaper tak letak apa apa though.
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 10, 2005 06:02 PMajimalllllll. actually, dah lama tak pergi ajimal. should've pergi the other day sandy ajaked but then panas gila ler afternoon. im quite sick of ajimal also ler cos dah makan the food until bosan. nak pergi desa petaling yc!! restaurant abc. quite chun man the mamak. so besar!!!!!!! SO MANY DICKS AND CHICKS! :P
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 10, 2005 06:03 PMvicky : err o.kae let,s beat him up
becksbabe : tcare kae . singapore also got another case . a filipino kena chop up . shakeshead- scary lahr . kae you send my regards to your family alrights . miss you guys lots .
Posted by: evan at September 10, 2005 07:41 PMbecks> wahh..pd rave meet guys ar??ahaha...but stupid idiotic guys..haih..
evan> ahah..btw im vicky...forgot to intro..muahaha....but yeah lets go teach him a lesson...hehehe...
becks> yeah me also bored of ajimal la...until jz now i go there..dono wat to eat...so i odered half boiled eggs...haih....fed up la...abc restaurant is nice..ive been there once...my friend bring me...eh u bring me go la..i dono how to go la wei...ok?
Posted by: Vicky Rao at September 10, 2005 09:01 PMeii wat pisah pisah.. u still can visit worrrr
u sendiri say cant keep mah
Posted by: jean` at September 10, 2005 09:14 PMhow come u didnt tell me u jumpa any guys at pd rave????
Posted by: Maxine at September 10, 2005 10:41 PMevan, yea i read. on the mrt station rite? orchard's. damn scary. somore got two cases yea? eeeks.
vicky, uve been there but u dunno how to go? apa la. so senang je. take the sg besi road, exit to desa petaling. u'll see abc restaurant :D
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 10, 2005 11:06 PMjean, hehe yea ler. dunno la. my dog is still pissed at me. scratched my face yest. =(
max, hur, yea, i met quite a bit of people on that nite. :D telling now ler.
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 10, 2005 11:08 PM
yay! good pics again =)
and hang in there lah little sis. college/uni is like that. half the time you dunno what the fuck you're doing or where you're going, and you know what? it all turns out well in the end. somehow.
we're all lost. but later, connecting the dots, we'll be found
when time permits, read: You've got to find what you love
http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html
i've heard this man speak several times at keynotes (he's the ceo of apple! and i am a developer there, which is why i'm always in San Francisco in june/july every year).
"you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life." <-- probably most appropriate for you
and one hour phone calls must cost lots of dosh eh !
i dunno who Joss Stone is, but you do have some similar features to her.
Posted by: C at September 10, 2005 11:11 PMthat's prolly like the most semangatly meaningful comment ever in this whole spamfest. ;D
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 10, 2005 11:12 PMwoh 75 comments. not bad eh?
please msn me abt the guys u met.
*kicks you*
aiya, all bermasalah wan la. how can u expect to meet non-bermasalah single ones during raves? almost non-existant man.
Posted by: tIcKLe`Me at September 11, 2005 01:10 AMYour site is realy very interesting.
Posted by: Gaane at September 17, 2005 06:27 PMTy Law
Posted by: Monster In Law at September 28, 2005 07:38 PM