it has been a very unpleasant week.
question: how does a salesman sell something he doesn’t believe in? must he be a damn good liar if he doesn’t believe in the product, or does he have to concentrate on the benefits of the product, and not mention any of the disadvantages? it’s just a question. something ive kept wondering, for a very long time.
you know, i watched eat, pray, love for the fifth time the other day and again, the thought of why most people choose to live in unhappiness popped up and has been constantly haunting me since. is it because we’re too comfortable with where we are? or are we afraid to move on? i think im in between. not really comfortable, striving for a change, yet still doubtful about moving on. i never thought i’d say this, but yes, i am doubtful, and a teeny weeny bit afraid.
i am always hoping that moving to another place meant that all things can be rewinded back to a fresh new start. painful memories, bitter thoughts and broken hearts will all be washed away like a vcr, with a new recording over the older ones. but sometimes, clips from the older recording might just appear in between the new ones, just like the memories that we try to wash away by building new ones. it sometimes just decides to make an unpleasant appearance, doesnt it?
but my issue here is nothing about relationships. ive had met and dated some of the nicest guys around, and i may have willingly let go so many of them because the time is not right. i was not looking for love, maybe companionship, but not love. it has always been about my goals in life and what i want to achieve before i turn thirty. somehow, my goals have never involved men, especially (oh hell no), marriages. so yes, most girls my age find me weird, and so be it. it irks me when a girl or a female tells me that her goal in life is to get married, have plenty of screaming babies who will one day grow into little adorable monsters (only when they are not screaming or crying) that scribbles on beautifully painted white walls and be a housewife who waits for the husbands’ return after a long days’ work by the door with a feast in hand. i know we are all entitled to our own opinions and dreams, but how exactly, is that a goal in life, again?
ever since my highschool days, ive wanted to be a careerwoman. to always be independent, and to rely on myself, and no one else. ive always believed, that as a woman, in a sometimes sexist world, i must always find my own stash of cash. make my own fortune, with my own sweat, tears and blood. so yes, thank you to all the men that i have cared and occasionally loved before, for being in my life but unfortunately, the time was not right.
i am sidetracking again. why do i always have the tendency of doing that? my entry was suppose to be about my focus in life. and i think my constant sidetracking pretty much reflects my life. i always get sidetracked. my deepest love and passion is in food, traveling, music and acting. how the hell did i end up being a producer for still photography commercial studios for the past six years beats me. and if i quit now, where do i go? off to a faraway mystical land in search of something ive always had a passion for or to suck up and stay with my job because that way, i may be unhappy, but i am financially secured.
don’t get me wrong, i’m not unhappy because i hate my job. i don’t, hate my job. in fact, i feel like a handicap and a retard when im not working. even when i am in some faraway mystical land on a holiday. my mind is constantly thinking about work.
“oh i wonder if the weather for the shoot today will be kind to my crews?”
“oh! bamboo trees, what a perfect location for our shoot”
“mmmm….. what a napkin. would’ve been perfect as prop”
and these are just few of the hundreds, if not thousands, of random work-related thoughts that creeps into my head even when i am on a freaking holiday. but the question is, is producing what i want to be doing for the rest of my life? a straight up direct answer, no. and you may ask anybody who is doing the same thing as i am. a producer, especially if it’s just a damn still photography producer, has got no bloody future if he or she decides to do it as a long term career. most producers i know, hell, moved on to another industry or gave in to their life long dreams of getting married, have babies and be a housewife (obviously females).
do i want to be doing a job that has not much of a future except staying in the same position for the next ten, twenty years of working? again, a straight up direct answer, no.
now back to my question. how does a salesman sell something that he doesn’t believe in? how, do i, an executive producer, convince my fresh batches of juniors, that being a producer is a wise choice. do i, lie to them or do i tell them the advantages of being a producer and avoid mentioning the disadvantages?
i know i may be stepping in dangerous waters, especially if people from my industry sees me writing a damn long winded and often, sidetracked entry on me doubting my career choice six years ago. just bare with me. this is the blog of an overgrown girl that still has a teenager living in her, refusing to accept adulthood just yet. and look, dont we all have moments like these where we just stopped what we are doing and ponder if we are doing things right? you must be the salesman that lies if you say you don’t stop and ponder. i, on the other hand, has been the salesman that avoids mentioning the disadvantages. which one would you rather be?