today is the last day of 2010. this year has been yet another drama filled year but what’s life without drama?
i’ve gained some and i’ve lost some but i’m happy for all the beautiful things that has happened, and it’s unfortunate that certain things just didnt go my way.
i’ll be ushering the new years with my sister, cousins and a couple of close friends at changkat. what better way than to welcome 2011 by partying hard? it’s a good start. see you here, same time and same place soon!
Merry (se)Xmas, people! Writing this short one from my phone. Life hasn’t been great for me but I will manage, because I’m Becky Ooi. So if any of you wants to continue being a jerk to me, so be it.
Enjoy the rest of your holidays, peeps! I’ve been sick for days so most of the week was spent sleeping. That’s a change, isn’t it? Till then, people, don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you!
honestly how random can i get? im heading to singapore tomorrow morning just to party and be back by sunday morning.
i like how spontaneous i can get at times. it’s going to cost me a bomb for doing that but i like it this way. it gives me an adrenaline rush, doing things this randomly and impulsively.
oh, and did i mentioned i’ve sprained/twisted an ankle while playing badminton yesterday? so yes, i’ll be limping my way to singapore.
xmas, xmas. your decorations better be good in singapore cos i’ve heard so much about you. will this xmas be magical? i hope it is. i need some magic to happen!
and to that someone out there, i love you still la but i just cannot seem to build the courage to tell you that in your face. and i miss you.
okaaaaay. rushing out to gardens now. kthxbye!
in the past couple of weeks, ive realised there’s so much about me that i never knew about. and yesterday, i have never laughed that sincerely for the longest time.
five more months, five more months. before i finally proceed with my self-discovery, self-reflective, soul searching journey. i can’t wait! i literally mark my calendar, “x”-ing each and every passing day.
and funny how people keep saying my life is so eat. pray. love. i dont want for it to be that way! but i think women these days just go through the same thing at one point or another. we fall in and out of love, we don’t know who we are or what we want, the feeling of being completely lost. WHO THE HELL HAS NOT BEEN THROUGH THAT? im sure even the holiest people among us have. it just so happens elizabeth gilbert decides to document her version of it. we’re all just like elizabeth gilbert because we’ve been through ups and downs of life. and im glad i did. ive made a thousand mistakes (and counting), but i have no effing regrets.
and i’m still grinning like a fool, ear to ear.
im getting goose-bumps as a i read through about alviss kong‘s suicide case. this dude (whom i share two mutual friends with in facebook) apparently had a four month relationship with this girl whom he loves deeply decides to do a little countdown on facebook before he jumps off the 14th floor of his apartment after the girl dumped him. wow, that was a mouthful. i mean yea, i won’t say much nor would i judge him. everyone’s got their own perception of love and sometimes, people’s judgement is clouded by their emotions. it’s pretty disturbing seeing that he is someone that i might’ve bumped into at clubs, or through friends.
break ups are hard to deal with, but it’s not the end of the world. you just have to keep motivating yourself by putting your focus on other areas of your life. if you’re a student, then concentrate on your studies. if you’re a workaholic like me, then work’s the best thing to focus on. if you’re a bummer, then maybe you can work on a hobby you like, i don’t know. you get my drift.
of course, with the help of friends and loved ones, the recovery period will be sped up. it’s this period of time that you know who truly cares about you, and who doesn’t. it’s the best time to test the strength of your friendship with others. and if you feel that your facebook friends list is a little crowded, well at least now you know who to filter out and who to keep.
trust me, i’m disappointed in some, but am also surprised at those that i never expect to care. regardless of which, i still love my friends the same (whether they’re here for me or not) and i will always be there for them. i’m just that kind of friend who will always offer my shoulder to cry on. so hello to you, who’s reading this, if you need an ear, a shoulder to weep yourself silly or just a warm cuddly hug, i’ll be there.
funny how sometimes speaking to yourself out loud helps.” that’s good. if you’re sure he’s the one after all the searching, then maybe HE is the one. he doesn’t need to be perfect, as long as he brings you happiness”
or was that a conversation i had with god? according to so many teachings, be it hinduism or buddhism, you ARE god. so which is which?
i’d like to call myself an atheist, but i somehow do believe that there is a greater being than us, out there. it may not be god, but there IS something greater than us. you can call it by many names, but i’d like to call it the greater being.
and i’d like to hold to that believe. funny how when at times like this, i seem to be speaking to that greater being a lot more often.
believe it or not, it does wonders. it calms me down. it gives me strength. and no, im not trying to be pious or a “oh god is mighty, god is great” preacher, but if you have any doubts, speak to yourself (or to the greater being). you’d be amazed at the huge differences it brings to yourself.
and before i end this random somewhat nonsensical entry, here’s a quote i told my friend just minutes before. in a nutshell, friend is not sure if he’s the one but is pretty sure he’s almost there, seeing that she has been searching and still ended up with this guy. here’s my advice;
cheesy. corny, i know. but it’s the truth. the other half doesn’t need to be rich, or good looking as all these can go with just a twist of fate. but happiness, if he gives you that, can last for a long time.
im such a cheeseball, off late, i know. i need sleep. good night people. let’s have a toast to another great day, and thank you, to the greater being
for giving me the comfort i need to carry on with life.
p/s: a moment of silent please, as today marks the 11th death anniversary for my all-time best friend, lucky. you’ve been a great companion and will always be. i dunno when will i find another you.
i’m trying to cope.
i dunno how some of you do it, but i dont think i’m doing a pretty good job at it.
and i salute my bff (or is it ex bff now?) for the courage he has when he went through it many months back. i don’t think he has fully recovered but at least he handled it better than i did.
good job, bff (i am still going to call you that for now). you had the courage of a bull. don’t give up.
this photo pretty much says a lot about what im going through. lost, defenseless, drowning and all alone.
as for me, i am not sure if i can say the same about myself. i feel so much like a headless chicken now. but we’ll see…
i told him, im tired of defending.
i found my word.
(and i would actually like to change that word someday).
my whole life, i have been defending myself from so many things. it’s time i take a break from that.
and to the other him, it was a pleasure knowing you.
and you’re right. no, wait, BOTH of you are right. i need to get to know me, myself and i, now.
i love you, my #1 him. just thought you should know.
and so it ended on the 62nd month. right on the dot.
and just like he predicted it five years ago, it ended on 2010.