ok, so i decided it wasn’t so brilliant to lash out in public about my disapproval of how the fucking annoying bitch are doing her things. so i quickly removed everything from facebook within seconds.
my fucking advice to you is, “stop pushing your responsibilities and think you’re one heck of a smart aleck for doing so. if you are getting paid to do it, then freaking DO YOUR JOB!”
we are no longer part of the organisation. and we’re not SUPPOSE TO PICK YOUR SHIT AND HELP YOU CLEAN IT WHILE WE ARE BOTH WORKING FOR A DIFFERENT ORGANISATION. stop telling them damn suppliers that it was us at fault for not submitting the documents because you freaking retard, i was there to double check the documentations before i left and it was all there. i even went back to double and triple check after i left. stop telling people you dunno anything and slam the phone on them. STOP GIVING THEM OUR MOBILE NUMBERS AND ASKING THEM TO CHASE US FOR PAYMENTS YOU INTELLECTUALLY-CHALLENGED FUCKTARD!
freaking w****! you seriously piss me off big time.
i guess as an adult, at a point in time, we all have to make choices that are against our wishes. decisions that we wished we didnt have to make. and even if we did, we will never understand why we did until much later in time.
sometimes our decisions have got to be selfless. or at least, mine is. thinking of others, and not ourselves. certain decisions made, may hurt us but i tell myself, “it’s ok”. because i’m like that. i’m always putting others’ priorities ahead of mine. i’m always the one who will take the hit for others. i’m trying to understand if i’m growing up the right way. if this IS the right way.
if only there is a painless way to grow up, if only. i suppose, we all go through this whether we want it or not. but sometimes, i just wish i am a little bit more selfish. cause i wonder, if i don’t think for myself, who the fuck will. i don’t know of any friends or anyone relatively close to me, who would do that for me. i may be called stupid, a damn fool and maybe even a superbly delusional person for thinking that putting others in front of me are how things should be done, but i guess i’m like that. i just am. don’t question why. i just am. so maybe, i am a damn foolish person.
i feel great. so light, slightly refreshed but definitely in a more positive mood. i love my job. yes, you heard it right. i can proudly say it again and again, i am beginning to get back the passion i once had. i’m so proud i make this decision to be where i am today. and to have faith in the right person.
i may not be as happy as i am a few years down the road from now, as some sadistic friends of mine would like to remind me. “it’s too soon to tell, you’ll see. just wait and see”. i don’t need reminders like that. i’m living my life as it goes. living the moment. maybe who knows, few weeks from now, i may be feeling completely differently but what matters is at least, i was happy doing it. at least i felt the happiness. did you? i know i will be faced with a lot of challenges and downfalls someday (shit happens, as they say), but while i still am feeling contented, i will say this. i freaking love my job. i must be in denial if i say otherwise. my work is my life. my work is the only thing that keeps me going.
for the past couple of weeks, when our new studio started, i felt lost, completely in the dark. like i didn’t know what my directions were. because i had not much work to do. no work means no life for me! and i was actually envious of people who kept telling me, “hey, busy. speak to you soon” because those were MY trademark lines. it felt weird being on the other side of the situation. but it’s ok, it’s alright cos i’m back on track, baby!
and i feel so proud receiving our first bouquet of congratulatory flowers, our first gifts, our first company car, and i’m just glad i share these many firsts with a bunch of really awesome people.
i realise work gives me a direction. a goal. and a reason to feel amazing. i am just glad im feeling the good vibes. im happy. very happy. shall we skip and dance around while i work on the quotes that are piling up?
p/s: happy mooncake festival all.
my week in singapore. filled with partying.
i just got back from singapore last saturday and brought evan back with me for five magnificent days to kl. partied, hung out with people’s granny, had awesome food as well as the awful ones, giggled and kissed. and the daily exchanges of “i love you cous” in the mornings. i miss you, evan.
you know, despite all the happy photos and moments then. why the hell do i still feel so empty inside? like something big is still missing from me. i don’t fake my happiness. but if i’m happy, how does it make sense that i feel hollow inside? a bff of mine said he can’t help me there cos i gotta figure it out myself. if it was that simple, i wouldn’t be in this state.
god, help me. i seriously need some sort of guidance. i guess im just frustrated that i can’t get the things i want. and have to be stuck with the things that i want to get rid of.
somebody, save me!