the missing sunshine somehow affects how i feel about certain things, it seems.
but im in no mood to write anything about how i feel. maybe a song would help?
we all do stupid mistakes all the time, but we must not regret them because it is a hard way to learn to make things right. if it wasn’t hard, we will never understand why we must not let it repeat itself.
hence, why i have decided what i have decided.
to be unattached, until i could figure myself out, or what i want. i need to stop being selfish, and just like what the song above wrote, “urging ourselves to love when we shouldn’t, and it is because of our fear of being lonely that we manage to convince ourselves to love wrongly”. or something along those lines.
i need to search for myself, or as i like to say it in a language i struggle to learn, “找自己” (zhao zi ji).
today, just as i reached the office, i noticed one of the guys smiling incessantly in his car while fidgeting with his phone.
i walked up to my room, and saw another colleague in a pantry with a huge grin in her face, staring at her sandwich.
opened the door to my room, and the other colleague was also continuously smirking while reading her text messages (or whatsapp, or whatever, you get my drift).
did the people surrounding me wake up to some magic happy pill or did someone spray some happy potion into the air? it is a pretty unusual sight, seeing people so pleased and full of smiles so early in the day.
got to my desk, did my usual stuff and replied messages.
the next thing i know, i was so engrossed with my phone text messages (and whatsapp, line, you get my drift) that i realise i too, was grinning myself silly, from ear to ear.
i guess it’s just one of those days where people decide to smile a lot, and be pleased and merry. let’s hope this lasts till the end of the day.
here’s a video to awe you.
till then, enjoy the rest of your weekend.
sidenote: tranquilo, poco a poco. keep that in mind.
things happen for a reason. i constantly tell myself that sometimes, we have to let go of what we think is good for us now for a better reason that only the future can reveal.
people who know me, knows, that despite putting on a brave and strong front, i am actually trapped inside this emotional see-saw, which is sadly true, but i hate to admit.
i dont think i have learnt to smile sincerely in a long time. ive traveled alone thousands of miles to find myself, to look for a reason to smile a smile because i want to smile, not because i feel like i need to smile.
im glad we tried. and i wont regret the decisions ive made. i always believe it is better to try, than to live the rest of our lives hovering about in a “what if” ponder.
im glad we met. and thank you for the good times and memories. i may not have expressed my gratitude well previously, but take this as a sincere thank you. i hope it’s not too late.
till then, i wish you & i the best.
i hope to someday find that happiness that ive been seeking for way too long. and i hope that you find that someone who would love you as much as you deserve to be loved.
ah, time to take a break and ponder over what 2012 has been about.
i must say, i am glad the end of this year is coming. it has been a terrible year. not the end of the human race, for sure, but definitely bad in a lot of ways.
today, or rather, yesterday, was our official move to our new office, which is just located just a street away.
so much drama but i’ll fill you in later. i’m finally done posting job vacancies on jobstreet for three different positions and i need to rush to pack my bags before heading to sungai siput by train for my airen, bee yee’s, wedding later.
BORING POST, i know. i was gonna write something witty but then multitasking got the better of me. okay, need to rush. update later? ta!
p/s: HAPPY NEW YEAR if i don’t get to wish all you beautiful apocalypse survivors before that.
today marks the beginning of something, i hope to be great. i’m finally committing myself to something huge!
fingers crossed, things will work out well. yes, im a bit nervous and i know it was quite an impulsive decision, especially one that involves such a huge commitment. i pray, that this will be, a goddamn good decision.
finally, got my wordpress sorted. i know the design looks pretty blah but i’m still trying to figure out how to modify or install a nicer theme (apart from the default ones in wp itself). that aside, life hasn’t been rosy.
i think i must’ve done something wrong during my childhood because i constantly choose to live my life in unhappiness. yes, you heard me right. I CHOOSE not to live my life fulfilled, contented and in happiness. it’s almost because i feel like i don’t deserve it. sure as hell affected every damn person who tries to enter my life.
but that’s a whole long story. i’m too tired after sleepless nights for the past couple of weeks (and doesn’t help that i haven’t slept in the past 38 hours or so). now that my wordpress is up again, i might actually find time to keep this site updated more frequently.
p/s: great to see msges of people who used to appreciate my writing. i should work on that. im losing my magic.