It’s been a year and exactly seven days since I moved to Dubai, the most superficial, pretentious but yet such a promising land of opportunities.

Remember my goal of ’30 by 30′ (30 countries by 30 years old)? I’ve done 29 countries and I’m turning 31 in a few weeks time. One more country and one more week to go before I achieve my goal of ’30 by 30′ in Egypt.

Life in the past one year has been so surreal. I still wake up and try to pinch myself to see if this was all not a dream (albeit, sometimes it can be really unpleasant so I’m not sure if ‘dream’ is appropriately used here). I wake up to a foreign bed in a foreign room of a foreign home in a foreign land. I sometimes wake up, just running my hands against my bed, my sheets to find some sense of familiarity – just to make sure everything is real and is actually happening.

Being abroad, alone, in a place where you don’t know anything or anyone is tough. I know I may sound like a broken record by now but I just needed to emphasise that, it IS tough, and I’m not exaggerating.

Trying to change a place you barely know into a place you have to call ‘home’ now requires so much persistence, tolerance, perseverance, independence and the flexibility to adapt. I chose this path and I never regret my decisions, be it a bad one or a good one because we all learn from the mistakes we do. I take my journey in life as a journey to discovering new things and experiencing new adventures.

Moving abroad has taught me so much but I will not get into the details. Lets just say that these are lessons that money can NEVER buy you. It’s tough, but I believe it’s something we need to do in order to experience self-realisation, to mature and have better understanding of what the real world is like.

So if there are any of you, who are still swinging on the thoughts of moving abroad, even for a short while, DO IT. you will thank me later, I promise you.

deja vu.

deja vu.

almost five years ago, i was in the same predicament.

you know you really like the companionship of that someone and he makes you so so comfortable, but deep down inside, you also know he’s not the one.

he’s not the one you see yourself with five years down the road, and not the one you see yourself living the rest of your life with.

he may be everything you think you need now but you just know, he’s not enough.

how would i know?

well, i just do. i was in such a miserable state;  the same exact position almost five years ago, with a different person. it was one of the hardest decisions i had to make back then but i just had to let him go. today, i look at where i am and where he’s at, and i know i’ve made the right decision.

i have no clue why do i always put myself in such situations. such awkward complicated position that i often mask it as a ‘platonic relationship’. oh, such deja vu.

they both even share the same initials, both have such similarities in appearances and characteristics but most importantly, both so caring. i’ve never felt so comfortable with any other guys but these two guys i share these ‘platonic relationship’ with.

i’m sorry, but i have to withdraw myself again, because i know, we’re not who we want in the future. you will thank me someday, and i know i will thank myself too, in the near future. cést la vie.

dubai – in a nutshell.

dubai – in a nutshell.

four and a half months – that’s how long it has been ever since i moved to this fancy, swanky land called dubai.

four and a half months since i went through some of the hardest moments of my life, ever. the struggle to live independently in a foreign land was easier said than done.

although being so far away from your comfort zone, your security blanket was no easy task but it was just what i needed to wake myself up and to push myself further. up till today, i still find it such a battle to try to fit into a superficial community but thankfully, ive met some amazing people that don’t judge you but gives tremendous support in these hard times.

thank you guys. it could be just a small act of kindness but it has given me the courage to keep going. dubai is not such a bad place afterall when you learn to embrace it. 🙂

packing 30 years of my life into a 30 kilo luggage.

packing 30 years of my life into a 30 kilo luggage.

As some of you may already know (and to stop repeating myself from sounding like a broken record over and over again), yes, I’m leaving. The cat is out of the bag, finally! *gives a huge relief sigh* I’m leaving not just my job (yes, the job that nobody thought I would ever leave) but I’m also leaving my home, friends, family and most importantly, my comfort zone. I’ve decided to take the long awaited leap of faith.

I originally quit my job with the intentions to go traveling for six months or until my money runs out (whichever comes first) but who would’ve known that a couple days after I’ve tendered my resignation, I was offered a job opportunity, to work in “the country of U” (and yes, that’s how I’m gonna keep calling it because that’s what I keep teasing my colleagues with). I handed in my CV without much thought and lo and behold, few weeks down the road, I am seeing myself heading to this mysterious country of U.

Although moving abroad is something that I’ve always been looking forward to, moving away is always going to be a move that leaves you with this whole concoction of mixed emotions. Am I excited? Hell, yeah but yet nervous at the thought of moving from the surroundings that I’ve grown so accustomed to.

Just over the weekend, I started to sort out my things into four groups – “I will most definitely need this”, “I somewhat need this”, “Do I need this” and “What the hell was I thinking” (when I first bought this). I guess you all know how obsessed I am with shopping so it WAS a tedious process. Packing 30 years of your life into a 30 kilo luggage is not easy, trust me. Being a person who gets attached emotionally to my things, I guess I must admit I felt a tinge of sadness knowing I’ll be leaving behind so many things.

So why the move? Because I needed this. I needed something to push me further and to explore my other abilities while I can before I end up being a white elephant. I want to constantly fuel my passion and feed my desire to keep learning. I guess the best way to do this is to put myself in an environment far from my comfort zone. Besides, I guess a move like this is best done when you are young (yes la, I still feel I’m young :P) and have no full time commitments – eg a hubby with a kid or two.

As cliche as it might sound, I would also like to take this opportunity to thank all those who have played a role in molding me into who I am today – be it through friendship or work. To those who have constantly showered me with your endless support, thank you very much because I can never do this without you but the ones that I owe the most to are the ones who doubted me. I am constantly striving for more and pushing myself because your doubtfulness gives me a better reason to prove you and myself that I can be better than what I am now. There is not better motivation than this, honestly. Not sure how the country of U is going to work for me but I’d like for it to be a positive start because I’m liking everything I’ve read and heard about. Here’s to wishing me luck! :’)



it has been 8 days since #MH370 went missing. if you haven’t heard, a malaysian airline boeing 777 went missing an hour after flying from kuala lumpur to beijing. at this modern times, you wouldn’t exactly expect to hear such a huge plane could go missing for eight freaking days but it did. this incident has affected the people, not just malaysians but people around the world tremendously and it affected me a lot too. thoughts of “it could’ve been me” just kept flooding my mind and for some reason, it made me want to just stay home and rethink my life and what i want to do with the rest of it.

i have also been having a series of misfortunes to be honest. i rammed into a row of plastic barricades because my mind was deep into thoughts regarding #mh370, then we lost freckles for a day only to find out our local council caught her and placed her in a pound located at… wait for it… close to port dickson. those moments when we lost her and couldn’t find her were agonizing. i am not the type that deals with losses well.

oh the fun side, i have been on multiple dates in the past few weeks. most people would love the attention they get from the opposite sex don’t they? well, i did but then i realise serial dating also then starts to get you thinking and do a whole self reflection if this is what i want. i know, i guess the problem here really is me, myself. i tend to over think things and i should really just go with the flow. no, i’m not looking for a relationship because i can never commit myself to anything but i guess i cant commit because i havent found someone worth committing to. i’m the kind of person who likes my space, my independence and my freedom so if a guy can respect all that, then maybe he deserve my commitment, know what i’m saying?

anyway, i gotta get back to work (rolls eyes, yes, work on a saturday or for the past few saturdays, to be honest). i hope there’ll be good news regarding #mh370 because it just breaks my heart to imagine what those people who are directly affected would be going through right now. #prayformh370

30 by 30.

30 by 30.

i’ve just returned from maldives a couple of days ago. best trip ever and it shows that friendship knows no boundaries.

i’ve met a whole lot of people whom i’ve got to know via this facebook app that used to be a big game about six to seven years back called fighters club. in a nutshell, we all form our own teams, have our own alliances and the more supporters you have, the higher your chances of winning are. it’s a very simple game but it has given me the opportunity to know heaps of friends locally and abroad, mainly well, maldives.

after knowing my maldivian ‘allies’ or should i say, facebook friends, for so long, i’ve finally met them (i’ve actually met a few of them while they were studying in malaysia but most of them are new faces to me) and i must say the experience was amazing. no, this is not my first time meeting people from fighter’s club. i’ve organised and attended heaps of gatherings locally and i’ve met another batch of fighter’s club players in the UK. somehow, these maldivians i met actually left a great impact on me. they are so humble yet so sincere and it touched me dearly. thank you very much for all of the effort you guys have put in just to come and say a quick hello to both anidha and i.

the other locals i met are incredibly amazing in their own ways too. one thing i’ve realise about maldivians are they are genuinely concern about you yet cheeky in their own ways. so apart from their beautiful well known beaches and islands, to those of you who are considering going to maldives for a holiday, pay attention to the amazing people from there and their simple yet inspiring food. my two fav are mus huni (combination of tuna, freshly grated coconut and onions) and roshi (something like chappati). very humble yet so flavorful, i can’t wait to make some of my own this weekend.

i’ve also had my first diving experience last friday. it has been a week but there were some serious consequences that came with that diving or ‘discovery scuba diving’ as they call it. the whole of right area of my face (head, eyes, ears, sinurs, nose, and throat) are ‘congested’ due to the pressure from the plane (and then the diving). this has caused some hideous burst capillaries on my right eye, constant headache on the right side of my head, blocked sinus, toothaches (yes, it’s related), and the most critical of them all, my ‘unpopped’ ears (you know the feeling of you being in a plane that’s about to land and you feel the pressure in your ears and your ears go all muffled? well, yea, that’s what im feeling except it’s permanent). doctors are more concerned about my ears than everything else. not trying to be a drama queen but i do hope not to have any severe permanent hearing loss because of it. i enjoyed my short diving experience in maldives and i do want to someday get a proper license. prayers, people, keep me in your prayers. im genuinely concern about my ears. i still won’t go away. *inserts pout*

also, just in case i forget, i’ve officially started this campaign for myself. to travel 30 countries by 30 years old (since i’m only 29 years + 6 months old, i officially have 1.5 years to go). i’ve currently been to 21 countries (malaysia – well obviously), singapore, thailand, indonesia, laos, vietnam, china, hong kong, macau, australia, london, switzerland, austria, czech republic, hungary, france, italy, india, nepal, maldives, sri lanka and i have two more new countries to explore later this year which are philippines and the United States (provided my visa gets approved, lol). that’ll mean I’ll be doing 23 countries by this year and have 7 more countries to explore next year. this is a big deal to me because achieving this goal would mean that i’ve accomplished a huge part of my mission in life (and no, im not your conventional asian girl who just wants to grow up, get married and be a baby factory and let her husband decide the rest of her fate). sorry to disappoint you guys. LOL.

yes, i realised i get snared at, or laughed about for being ‘unconventional’. i won’t be all preachy but listen, my life is mine. how i live my life is mine to decide and i am the one that holds the pen and writes each and every paragraphs and chapters of my own novel. in other words, i am the one that determines the outcome of my life so there will be no faults to be blamed on others. i hold the pen, i make the decisions so even if things don’t work out how i’ve pictured it to be, i’ll still be contented because i can still say, “been there, done that”. of course, certain decisions i make comes with a lot of fear, but if you constantly live your life in fear of getting out of your comfort zone, how far do you thing will you be able to go? think about it. your happiness is yours, grab it while you can. as cheesy as it may sound, you only live once, make full use of it. make your life worth living. adios.

dark days indeed, but there’ll always be a rainbow at the end.

dark days indeed, but there’ll always be a rainbow at the end.

it has been exactly a month now. i don’t exactly know what i feel except i do constantly wish i have answers to so many things.

i just got back from my 8 days break from lombok/gili trawangan. that was insanely amazing! i couldn’t have had a beach holiday at a much more perfect timing than this.

anyway, to you, ysb, i hope this is just a phase and i wish you all the best in whatever you’re going through. xx

the only thing that can change for the better is myself.

the only thing that can change for the better is myself.

it’s never like me to bring up personal matters into a public space. although this is MY blog, but it’s still a public space.

i don’t think i’ve ever been so lost before. this is probably the biggest crossroad i got myself stuck in. i was to visit US/Canada end april or early may but since that plan is likely not happening due to unforeseen circumstances, im stuck.

sure, sometimes i like doing things spontaneously but when it comes to life changing decisions, i dont want to be spontaneous about it. i have way too many commitments to just say, “fuck it!” and do the things i wanna do. that’s what growing up does to you.

*inserts big fat sigh*

oh how i wish some people can handle things more responsibly, and less cowardly. i guess the only thing that can change for the better is myself. i need to toughen myself up after letting my guard down too low. here’s to a better 2014, people!